It is a cultural thing. Many of us grew up being taught to help and prioritise others’ needs over our own without ever being told to take care of ourselves. The latter tends to be seen as a selfish act, with the exception of some very extreme circumstances. At times, we feel the sense of social obligation telling us to be nice to people and to temporarily forget about being nice to ourselves; but more often than not, we end up not being attentive of our feelings until much later, which can be extremely mentally draining. I personally struggled (and still am) with asking others for help for a number of reasons. It was not until recently (when I was in a terrible health condition) that I started to learn the importance of reaching out for support from others. In this concerning period, when we are not always having help available by our sides, it often comes in necessary to know how to seek for help when in need. Thus, I want to write a few words to let anyone who is having difficulty with asking others for help know that it is critical in these moments in time that they do so.
About nearly a month ago, I started having symptoms, which got so bad that at certain points, I could not really breathe or sleep properly because of the lack of air I was inhaling (along with some other minor symptoms). Prior to that, I had been downplaying my symptoms and insisting that they were nothing serious for anyone to worry about. Then came the moment when I could not physically cope with that anymore that I had to contact the emergency service for guidance and support (which was terrifying) call my friends to look out in case something unfortunate would occur. Of course, it was very upsetting for many people that I sought for support at a much later stage, including myself. I read somewhere that said (something along the line of this):
At the end of the day, you will not know if you have overreacted, but you will definitely know if you have underestimated.
It is clear that I have underestimated the impact of the whole situation, and as mentioned, this was due to a number of reasons: the feelings of being embarrassed, vulnerable and burdensome. We have all been brought up differently and developed different thought processes, on which I blame my difficulty with a lot of things >:|. This one article by the Guardian goes to show how hesitant many people about asking for help, and it can result in some serious consequences.
Many of us are aware of how scary it can be to be vulnerable with other people. I experience the same thought process, through which I feel ashamed of laying my feelings and emotions bare to other people. However, I do feel extremely grateful and fortunate to have such amazing companionships and supportive relationships, thanks to which I was able to overcome so many rough moments in my life. I think it is important to remind ourselves that we are loved and surrounded with sympathy, hence why it starts from ourselves to access these available support. I am not completely at the stage where I feel comfortable enough to share all my feelings with others, but I am working towards it. It is also essential for everyone to be reminded that showing your own weaknesses is probably among the most difficult things to do, so do not feel ashamed of doing it when you feel like you cannot cope with it anymore.
Just like everything else in life, it needs to be started with small steps before one can get used to it. From my own past experiences, one should begin with recognising their personal feelings, hardship and struggles and feeling strong enough to face these before expressing these feelings with specific individuals one finds reliable and comfortable with. More often than not, we tend to put on a positive face when we are with others because it is easier to not talk about what is going on than to start a conversation you know you cannot emotionally sustain. We then tend to start develop the fear of sharing our feelings because either we are not sure whether others will respond the way we expected they would or unsure about whether we are being a burden and spreading negativity.
The whole process of being “bare” with others can be very much a challenge, but once we manage to do that, we can inspire others to open themselves up to us, too. At the end of the day, we all want to understand and communicate with the ones we love a bit better, so let’s start from ourselves, and show them that you are strong, being vulnerable, and that they can rely on you when in need. Just think about how many times we were frustrated with poor communications that have led to unfortunate misunderstandings in the past, and this will be the starting point of how miscommunications can be overcome.
If you have made it to the end, thank you so much! Go, and have a great day. Be ready to ask for help and be available for others when they need help during this weird and difficult time. Look out for those around that you care about because they might need help and do not know how to ask for it. A simple “How are you?” can go a long way. X
“What happens when people open their hearts?" "They get better.” - Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)
A Chaotic Soul 